Why is it that women don’t feel they can talk about miscarriage and baby loss? After speaking to women who have gone through similar to what I have it has come to light there are way to many people out there that just don’t understand us women that have lost a child. This then leaves women who have miscarried to feel as though they can’t or worse, shouldn’t talk about their experience. This is so so sad and really should not be the case. If women do not feel comfortable talking about their experience because of the way society views it, it is our job as women to change that. How can people possibly begin to understand us or break these stigma’s if nobody speaks?
Here are just some of the reason’s many of the women I have spoken to feel they can’t speak out about their experience of miscarriage or baby loss.
‘I didn’t announce my pregnancy, so I can’t announce my loss!‘
For a women to feel that she can not express her feelings over the loss of her baby because she has not announced it is utter madness! There is this crazy view in today’s society that once you reach 12 weeks, then you should announce a pregnancy, or that after 12 weeks everything is fine and plain sailing. All too often this is not the case, and most of the women I have met and spoken to since experiencing a miscarriage have all lost their baby after 12 weeks! This view whereby people think everything is fine after 12 weeks, must change. Ultimately nothing is fine until you are holding that baby safely in your arms, and even then things can go wrong or not be as simple as what people and social media make out. Because of this view, women almost feel like “well I didn’t announce my pregnancy, therefore to the world my baby wasn’t real”. Another thing to address here is that it is ok for women to never announce their pregnancy, and there can be many many reasons behind this. Maybe they lost a baby before and just can not deal with society quizzing them about their pregnancy all the time. Maybe pregnancy should be something more private and personal, after all, why does the whole world need to know you are having a baby?
‘Nobody recognises a baby as a living being prior to 12 weeks, people will think I am crazy if I speak about something so small’
Did you know 12 weeks after your last period, the foetus is fully formed. All of the organs, muscles, limbs, bones are in place and the sex organs are well developed? A baby at 12 weeks is opening and closing its fingers and curling it’s toes. So in reality why is nobody recognising a 12 week old baby in it’s mothers womb as a tiny human? When it clearly is! Too many people have this idea that a 12 week old foetus is ‘Just a clump of cells’ when it is the furthest from that. It is a living being, a mini human preparing itself to enter the world. It’s heart is beating, it is alive. Because of this inaccurate view too many women feel as though if they lost their baby prior to 12 weeks then nobody would care, everyone would have the ‘clump of cells’ view on things. This view has to be changed, and women should feel as though they can talk about their loss no matter how far along in their pregnancy they were.
A women sharing her story about miscarriage or baby loss should be and is not any different to when another family member or pet passes away. Just because their little feet never got to walk the earth and they maybe didn’t get to take their first breath of oxygen, it does not mean they did not exist. They did exist, they were tiny little humans that were too good for the world we live in and their legacy should be kept strong by their parents, the people who are probably a lot stronger than you or I.
The aim of this post is to help people understand, who maybe have not had to go through miscarriage or baby loss. My aim is to begin to make them understand. Of course you will never truly understand unless this sadly happens to you, but I will try my best to help you understand and hopefully view other’s losses in a different light.
Finally if there are any Angel mums out there, who have read this post and are feeling like they are not sure if they should share their story, then try think of it like this. If we never share our negative experiences, the rest of the world would have a false view and perception on what miscarriage and baby loss is really like. By telling our stories, we are educating others and maybe helping someone who has been through the same to feel less alone.