You have probably clicked on this post thinking to yourself, what can something so negative possibly teach you. How can a negative experience create positive things in your life? Well with every negative, there is always a positive, or a silver lining so to speak. Having a miscarriage is no exception. Don’t get me wrong loosing my baby was horrific, and the trauma I am sure will stay with me until the end of time. BUT….if you are open to seeing the positives in a negative place, you will find them. Here are three things Miscarriage have taught me about love, life and loss.
Life can change in the blink of an eye
What a lot of us fail to realise, is that nothing in this material world we live in is ever permanent. Not even us humans. I often see women announcing their pregnancy, like they know for certain there little one will be walking on this earth in 9 months time. When sadly a lot of the time this is not the case. I recently saw a post from an influencer I follow on Instagram, who did just this. She assumed that the future of her, her baby and her partner was set. When in fact nothing is set. She done a baby announcement, had a baby shower, and like most other women, assumed that after her 12 week scan everything would be plain sailing and all ok. Sadly a few days after posting a photo of herself with her bump, she had a still birth. This is real life proof nothing is guaranteed, but for some reason we always think it is. My dad once said to me, “you should always hope for the best, but expect the worse” and that saying really does ring true. And before any of you automatically assume there must of been some kind of underlying problem with this women, there was not. She was perfectly healthy, her bloods perfectly normal, she ate healthy, drunk healthy done the whole pregnancy by the book. Her babies heart beat just stopped, with no explanation. She may never know the reason why. You can try to plan your life as much as you want and try hard to manifest a future that you have always dreamed of, but sometimes the universe literally throws a spanner in the works and all of a sudden the path you are on doesn’t seem so smooth. Almost like a train de railing, and you are the train. Nobody ever thinks something bad will happen to them, until one day it does. your whole world is flipped upside down. I have personally experienced this a few times in my life, once with a breakup and now with miscarriage.
With my pregnancy I was classed as a low risk, healthy pregnancy, and I done everything by the book to make sure my baby had a happy and healthy little home inside of me. But it wasn’t enough. I know so many women who have experienced similar. Healthy, low risk and to be told your babies heart has stopped beating when you have done all you can to be the best and healthiest ever, is truly heart breaking. You instantly want to trade your heart for theirs.
The female body is truly amazing
So this lesson is not solely linked to miscarriage, however what we are not told as women is how much of a toll a miscarriage will take on your body., both physically and mentally. Everyone kind of see’s a miscarriage as a heavy period. When trust me 9 times out of 10 this is most certainly not the case. Loosing a child through a miscarriage is nothing like having a period. I experienced contraction like pains, which were similar amounts of time apart and way more intense than the standard period cramp. I lost a lot of blood. At the time I thought this was uncommon, but since speaking to other women upon coming out of hospital I come to realise this is sadly more common than what we are told. My body endured pretty much just as much as it would have if I had been lucky enough to go full term and give birth. I was prodded, examined, had blood transfusions, had needles in my arms, pessaries in places that no pessary should go! And trust me it was exhausting, but some how the female body and mind just copes with all of this trauma, one step at a time. I look back at it all now and think my goodness, how quickly everything happened and how lucky I was to have been in hospital when I was. Not only to get there in time before I needed urgent medical attention but to be lucky enough for it to have happened before the Covid19 Lockdown. I have read stories of women having to go through this alone without their partner or family by their side, and honestly I count my blessings I did not have to go it alone. The female body is truly amazing, not only when it carries a healthy baby for 9 months but when it encounters trauma. It is almost like females were designed to endure these kind of things, we are strong and process each part of the trauma as we approach it.
Human life is so fragile
Finally miscarriage has expanded my insight to how fragile human life really is. I am not sure too many people really do realise this. For example as crazy as it sounds, we could literally be here one second and gone the next. It is exactly the same when we compare it to babies in the womb. Sadly I see too many pregnant women, who are not doing all they can to provide a healthy body (essentially your babies home for 9 months) for their future child. It goes without saying whilst pregnant the obvious things you should not do is drink and smoke, however there were so many more things, some of which I didn’t know about, that should be monitored during pregnancy or leading up to pregnancy. Did you know when pregnant, you should not have hot baths or sit in hot tubs? This is especially significant during the first/second trimester. It was a proven thing before abortions etc were allowed, that women would be told to go and sit in a hot bath if they wanted to terminate their babies. Crazy I know!
Also, drinking caffeine. During the first trimester especially it is not advised to drink a lot of coffee or caffeinated drinks as this product passes through the placenta and due to the nature of the chemical can raise the babies heart rate to dangerous levels, therefore potentially causing them to miscarry or have birth defects.
Now I am sure all of the mums that have never had to experience miscarriage or baby loss all think I am crazy here over analysing the diet etc during pregnancy. But trust me you would not be thinking the same way if you had to experience what I did and what lots of other women sadly have to as well. Also in my eyes the moment I found out I was pregnant it was my duty as a mother to ensure my baby was getting all of the nutrients it needed. I would have never forgave myself if I wasn’t strict with myself and then I miscarried. I would be blaming my actions. However when you know you have done all you can to ensure you are giving your baby everything, you know there was nothing more you could do. Life is so so fragile and we must do all we can to protect it and prolong it.
These are some of the main lessons I have learnt after experiencing a miscarriage and I hope I go on to recognise more things and remain open to positive things that have sadly stemmed from loosing my baby.
As always, if anyone has read this post and feels this resonates with them also, or if you want someone to talk to about your experience, please do not hesitate to drop me a message. Talking really does help and I am a great listener.